Boozy Boozerson

Bloody Mary

2005-08-30T01:27:00.000-07:00

You will need:
A Hangover
Vodka
Tomato juice
Worcestershire sauce
Tabasco
Pepper & salt
a lemon or lime

How to prepare:
A Bloody Mary is pretty much one part vodka to two parts tomato juice. Everything else to taste, but a rough guide is 1/2 teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce, two dashes of Tabasco, and a squeeze of lemon/lime for every shot of vodka. Get crazy and use celery salt or garlic salt instead of regular salt. Why not? Shake her up and drink her down.

Coda:
The very best Bloody Mary's in the world are made at the Chimes in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, one block off the LSU campus, northwest of the Theatre Building. Besides being unbelievably delicious, the Chimes includes a garnish of pickled okra with every Bloody Mary they serve-- worth the price of admission in itself! The Chimes also has the best "value-for-dollar" crawfish etoufee you'll ever find.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this post into an ad for The Chimes... but damn, those were some good Bloody Marys!

The only thing better than a Bloody Mary at the Chimes is a two-egg Mitchell at Louie's!

But enough with the Baton Rouge food & drink reminiscing! Next thing you know, I'll be talking about the gastronomic glory of the as-yet-unequalled Silver Moon Cafe!

For all I know, these places aren't even there anymore. But when they were... nothing was finer.

Harp Lager

2005-08-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

There is no finer beer in the world than Harp lager.

Okay, I said it. Harp-- the best off-the-shelf or out-of-the-tap beer, period. I don't care who argues with me. Anyone who disagrees is a fool deserving of multiple groin kicks. I'll more than gladly poke in the eye with a pointed stick anyone who finds fault with Harp.

Perhaps I've just too many Harp, but I'm not kidding. I will kill you if you dis Harp. Period.

Grr.

Vodka & tonic

2005-08-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

This is the Gin & tonic for people too weak for Gin.

You will need:
Vodka
Tonic
a lime

How to prepare:
Have a few shots of vodka. Decide to slow down and temper it with some tonic. Fill a large tumbler with ice cubes. Pour in a lot of vodka. Put in a splash of tonic for the heck of it. Drunkenly squeeze in a hunk of lime. Why not?

Coda:
Vodka falls into two categories. "Pure" and "Evil." For drinking purposes, "pure" is preferred. If you're buying off-the-shelf vodka, don't consider anything less than Smirnoff. Or filter cheap vodka yourself using this ingenious method. Absolut, Grey Goose, Skyy (I have a wonderful memory of getting "absolut"ly hammered on Skyy vodka but not having even a twinge of hangover the next day), are all wonderful, but the king of kings is Tito's Handmade Vodka. There is none finer.

Gin & tonic

2005-08-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

You will need:
some gin
some tonic
a lime

How to prepare:
Put several ice cubes into a large tumbler. Pour in desired amount of gin. Add tonic to taste. Slice a lime into chunks and squeeze one chunk into your glass, pitching spent rind into glass. Perhaps rub lime rind around rim of glass for added effect. Savor.

Coda:
Gin, distilled from the powerful venom of the juniper berry, apparently leaves an odor discernible to other gin addicts. While in graduate school, I presented a paper one morning following an evening of gin & tonics. The presentation went flawlessly, but afterward, a professor approached me and said, "You drank a lot of gin last night." Given that he was a mighty gin drinker himself, and given that he hadn't been at the bar to see me consuming gin as if I were a majority stockholder in "Gin, Inc" I can only assume that he scented it on me the next day. So, word to the wise.

Scotch & water

2005-08-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

You will need:
Scotch Whiskey
water
aspirin (for later)

How to prepare:
Into a large tumbler, place several ice cubes. Fill with Scotch. You can put some water in if you want, but it's not necesaary. Just holding the glass of Scotch near some water so they can see each other is enough.

Coda: About Scotch:
Scotch is a strange animal. Technically, it should be "Scottish Whiskey" but everybody calls it "Scotch" so it's too late now to change. The finest Scotch is usually aged for a long time. This is because the Scots are notoriously cheap and tend to sit on their kegs for years before they feel forced to open the oaken casks and unleash the earthy, peaty goodness within. But their genetic stinginess is your good fortune! There is nothing in the world like a well-aged Scotch. Frankly, even in a plywood cask, a well-aged Scotch would probably be terrific. But Boozy has noticed something... As he's become well-aged himself, Scotch had begun to give him a headache the next day. Oh, how Boozy longs for his youth, when he could drink Scotch without fear of cranial repercussions. But those days are gone, alas. Stupid aging. Hence, the aspirin. But if you are lucky enough to be mercifully free of the Scotch pain afterwards, the Scotch rewards are vast.
Dewar's White Label is a perfectly servicable bar/home Scotch with a reasonable price tag. But for special occasions or on pay day, Glen Livet or Glen Fiddich are/is the way to go!

Rum & Coke

2005-08-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

You will need:
Rum
Coke (meaning Coca-Cola, not cocaine)

How to prepare:
Put several ice cubes into large tumbler. Pour in an assload of rum. Add splash of Coke (meaning Coca-Cola) for color. You can use either light or dark rum for this recipe, but you'll be much cooler if you use dark. Dark rum is the Pirate's drink, whereas light rum is for college girls. Nothing against college girls because God knows college girls and "light" rum & coke have brought much joy to Boozy's life. But I'm just saying-- if you care about booze, dark rum is the way to go.

Coda:
Concerning Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum... okay, there is nothing inherently wrong about a Captain Morgan's and coke. But it should be reserved for holidays, preferably those involving egg nog. Why? Well, just because there's a pirate on the bottle doesn't make it a Pirate's rum. Boozy has a certain fondness for the Captain, but the Captain knows his place in Boozy's world. And that place is Christmas and New Years. And the occasional day in between when Boozy is feeling especially flaming gay piratey. Which is quite rare, but it does happen.

Coda 2:
Do NOT use Pepsi, unless, by some chance, you are hopelessly stranded on Pepsi Island. Anywhere else in the world, if no Coca-Cola is available, use RC Cola. By the way, Coke Classic is a hoax! Just so you know Boozy saved a few cans of coke (he wishes he'd saved glass bottles, but what's done is done) and there is most certainly a difference between original Coke and Classic Coke. The "flavor formula" may be the same, but Classic Coke is made with Corn Syrup whereas the original Coke was made with plain ol' unadulterated sugar. And friends, there is a difference in the taste.

Bourbon & Water

2005-08-22T19:42:00.000-07:00

You will need:
Bourbon
water

How to prepare:
In a large tumbler place several ice cubes. Pour in however much bourbon you want. Savor the lovely sounds of cracking ice. Add water to taste.

Hi, Boozy Boozerson Here!

2005-08-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

If you're like me, you love booze! If you're not like me, then go to hell!